


Lives lost, lives lived

by Panda_danna



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-24 01:27:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/933516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panda_danna/pseuds/Panda_danna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: The show must go on, but there are times when past reminds itself. The ones who were lucky enough to grow older under the Wings of Freedom, yet did not became completely heartless during the years, may find themselves wrapped in memories brought to them by sleepless nights.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lives lost, lives lived

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Takes place a few years in the future, after the war against Titans is won. May contain spoilers for people who are not up to date with the manga. Also, strong warning for characters’ death. Mentions of Jean/Mikasa.
> 
> Note: Fic was beta-ed by wonderful and amazing badatusernames.tumblr.com and dreamsandpocky.tumblr.com. Thank you!

That night was surprisingly warm. The light breeze brought strange scent from south, giving the air a salty taste. Jean was lying on the ground, staring at the night sky above him, counting stars. He hadn't exactly grown romantic over the years, as there was no place for romance in the life of a soldier. Every sunrise was a silent alarm and sunsets were just marking days through which he was able to survive. There was no time to enjoy the scenery because the world they lived in was still a dangerous place, even after so much had changed.

No. Jean simply couldn't sleep.

He had hoped that counting the flickering lights in the sky would tire his mind enough to send him to slumber or at least distract him from remembering past events and people. Comrades who were no longer breathing, yet still managed to visit him at night, while his squad members slept. He never enjoyed their quiet voices, but how could he possibly tell someone like Marco to go away, when it was he who had  saved Jean's life at Trost?

Jean wouldn’t say that he was haunted; the voices of dead didn't speak of horrible things.

Berthold, killed near Shiganshina district so long ago, kept pleading with Jean to forgive himself, though Jean would never do it, always remembering that it was he who delivered the final blow to one he once called his friend.

Reiner and Berthold’s treachery had caused lives of many soldiers, but even when the secrets of Titans had been discovered in Yaegers' basement, the deaths did not cease. There were battles to be won and countless blood of the Scouting legion was shed for humanity, which in the end, turned its back on them.

Jean didn't understand the political intrigues, though Armin once told him that by winning the war and the support of the people, the Scouting legion had become a threat in the eyes of the ruling class. What Jean understood was that they had all been betrayed.

_**"Now we can go and see the ocean."**_ That was the last thing they had all heard from Eren, before a sudden ambush took him, Commander Irwin and poor Christa away from them. Jean could hear  the echo of Eren's words in those sleepless nights as well, though in all likelihood he was not the only one. Those words were, after all, what led the Recon corps to revolt against the Royal family. The same  words led them outside the towns and into the wilderness again, even though  the victory was theirs in the end and they could, for the first time in their lives, enjoy the spoils of the inner district with all its‘ glorified comforts and safety.

Instead they chose to travel and do the things they knew the best. To kill, to survive, to explore the land which remained untouched by men for last hundred years, as squad leader Rivaille had stated the day their journey started .

 

Somewhere on the right side of the camp Connie called for Sasha from his sleep, and she replied to him with some indecipherable soothing sounds without waking up. Jean sighed silently. He lost the count of the stars, and began to feel empty in their wake. Maybe tomorrow their group will finally reach the ocean and all the bad memories will be washed away.

**„You will fall off your horse, sleeping tomorrow."** Whispered Mikasa from no distance and Jean almost got a heart attack, surprised by her sudden presence. **"No I won't."** He wanted to reply, but before he could follow through with his retort, he felt a finger press on his lips. **"Stop thinking before going to sleep. It does you no good."** Mikasa was always a sharp woman, but now she carried an element of care for others with her. The lingering thought that she just needed a replacement after Eren's death, somebody to put all her care on, bothered Jean for few months, but then he let it slip. After all, he had been in love with her from the very beginning and her reasons were not important, as long as she was close to him.

**"I'll leave the thinking to Armin then,"** Jean offered his words of surrender as soon as he had the opportunity to speak again. It was not worth arguing with Mikasa, moreover a soft kiss on lips was always a good reward for being obedient.

**"Good. Now sleep.“** She kissed him gently and found a comfortable position near him, stealing a part of his blanket during the process, and  then wrapped her arm around him in tight embrace.

**"You know, I actually enjoy being the little spoon…"**

**"I said sleep. Now."**

Jean smiled. The emptiness was gone and so was the whispering of dead.  At least for the night.

 

 


End file.
